When will I stop thinking like a student?

Today was my first parent-teacher conference. I went into it snickering a bit, I mean really, she's not even two. But I came away learning something important about myself and about my kid.

First, the teacher handed me a rubric with check marks down the F column. Without even thinking I immediately asked, "how could she fail in every area?". What? The teacher glanced at the paper - oh, the F is for Fall semester.

I couldn't believe that I actually thought they were giving my kid a grade and that she was failing. I really need to take a few deep breaths and remember this is not a competition! Ina will have plenty of opportunities to receive high marks, for now it's mom that needs to chill and enjoy the ride.

Of course I was not surprised to hear that Ina is really good at climbing, running and feeding herself. I was quite surprised to hear that my child is kind and caring.

So, like the trusting, approving parent I am, I asked for specific examples. I know Ina is silly, affectionate, and often rambunctious, but would I describe her as kind? Hmmm.

The teacher explained two scenarios where I could agree, Ina is indeed caring and kind. First, she makes sure all the kids have toys during playtime. If someone does not have a toy, Ina will give them the toy she has and go find another toy. She also helps her teacher hand out snack and waits until all the kids have snacks before she digs in. Second, when a kid begins to cry Ina immediately goes over to see what's wrong. Her teacher said it is out of sympathy, not just curiosity. Sometimes Ina will pat the kid on the arm to try to soothe them. Be still my heart.

Ina, you truly amaze me.

What a difference 12 months can make

At this time last year I had a baby who...

• refused to abide by a schedule
• took 2 short naps a day in which getting her to sleep took longer than the actual nap
  
• could not feed herself and required bottles heated to a specific temperature
  
• could not stand up and refused to crawl
• could not yet speak or sign or make her wishes clear
• was chubby
• played by herself for extended periods
• had no hair
• played in a cloth diaper and leg warmers all day
  

Right now I have a kid who...

• walks, runs, jumps, and climbs
• loves to do artwork
• counts and sings abc's
• can tell me what she wants
• sleeps through the night
• takes a [still short] nap at the same time everyday
• feeds herself and sits in her own chair at the table
• asks to play with friends by name
• has enough hair for a ponytail
• wears jeans and converse
  

Amazing. It feels like just a few weeks ago that I was walking with my neighbor swapping stories and trying to figure out how to handle being a mom. At that time, it felt like every waking moment was spent analyzing Ina and stressing about how to take care of her and work and get to class. I never turned in class work on time, hardly went to class and barely made deadlines at work. I thought that would be my life forever.

This week I turned in several assignments on their due date and have gone to almost every class this semester. I take Ina to the playground and read while she runs with her friends. I make her a plate of snacks and wash the dishes while she eats. I tell her to get her shoes and backpack so we can go to school, and she does it. I put her in her crib and she takes a nap.

Sure, there are new challenges. But right now I am so very thankful that babies grow up.

A Forzetting kind of day

Today was the first day of our "staycation" and we decided to kick it off with fun at the children's museums in Chapel Hill and Raleigh. The plan was sleep in, Kidzu in the am, leisurely nap, Marbles in the afternoon, dinner at this Irish pub Shawn's had his eye on, and home for bed.

What we didn't factor in was that Ina has been teething really bad and would be up for 3 hours last night.

She had fun at Kidzu but freaked out on the bus on the way home. The 15 min. bus ride seemed to take forever and I felt sorry for the people who were just trying to get across campus on their lunch break. Both Ina and Shawn had a good nap so we decided to give Marbles a try.



This is where our day becomes a typical Forzetting comedy of errors. Shawn had looked up directions to the museum on his iphone, but instead of chosing the address he chose "approximate location". I had briefly looked at the map on the website so I knew the cross streets and parking locations, but I didn't double check this with what Shawn had put in his iphone. I dutifully followed the iphone's GPS directions until we started exiting Raleigh's downtown area. After a minor panic I turned off the "helpful" iphone and got us going the right way. Marbles was super fun but Ina was suffering from molar/canine trauma along with stimulation overload and had a hard time transitioning through the different play areas. There were multiple bouts of screaming and moms looking at me like "why are you tortuning your kid in place that is supposed to be fun?".



We decided it was time to get an early dinner so we headed to the restaurant. It should have been apparent to us that this was not going to work when Ina got out the car screamed NO! and tried to run across a busy Raleigh street with Shawn pinning her down and me dragging her into safety. We also should have been clued in by the fact that the waitress didn't immediately offer a high chair (a sure sign it is not a kid friendly place) and looked at Shawn funny when he asked if they had any crayons. They got us our food fast because they wanted us to leave, I'm sure. Ina was either screaming NO, hitting me, throwing food at Shawn or running around the dark Irish pub where there are benches with sharp edges and people who hate children. The crisis reached an apex when I gave Ina a lemon wedge which she usually loves. She took one suck on it and started shrieking. Apparently lemon juice does not feel good on your gums when you've just cut a tooth. Then she wiped the lemon juice in her eye, making the situation far worse. We took our food to-go and hauled our unmanageable kid out of the place. (Oh, and they claimed to be out of Guiness. It was an Irish pub for crying out loud! Another clue that we should have just turned around and left.)

So Shawn is trying to get Ina into the car and puts his 1/2 eaten dinner-a corned beef sandwich-on the top of the car while Ina writhes and continues her over-used refrain of "NO DADdeeeee!" We finally get settled with Ina watching baby einstein on the iphone (it's main redeeming feature) and we pull onto Glenwood Ave. Shawn suddenly looks at me and asks - "did you get my dinner, oh no there it goes." Yes, the corned beef sandwhich on rye with cheddar, tomato and a banger on top flew onto the street and was promtly smashed into the pavement by a bus. It went downhill from there. Ina screamed with tears running down her poor tired cheeks all the way home to Chapel Hill in rush hour traffic.

I ended up bribing her to eat some dinner and have some tylenol by letting her watch Pocoyo on the floor. Then I rocked her to sleep holding her arms down by her side and tucking her feet under my arms so she couldn't kick. Shawn had 3 beers.



Lessons learned: type in exact address into iphone at all times; have crayons in diaper bag in case of restaurant emergency; do not forget paci under any circumstances; turn around and leave if any establishment with the word "pub" in it does not have Guiness; and Shawn is never EVER allowed to put anything on top of the car - not trash and not sandwiches, really nothing should go on top of the car under any circumstances.

Happy 4th of July...or so we thought...until...

Ok, so here is another brilliant excerpt from the brain files. It starts off like this: A funny thing happened on the way to the lake today...

So Sarah and I have really been looking forward to going to Gaston Lake for the last 2 weeks. All we can think of is swimming in the water, sitting on the dock of the bay (hmm, song intro), and drinking cold Coronas and not carrying about anything. So the day arrives finally. We packed all our food the night before. We even scored a huge cooler from Target for like $20 that night. We woke up the next morning around 5:45am and had blueberry pancakes and eggs. We packed up the car, got gas and ice, and were on our way. Little did I know of the events about to unfold this day. First off, Sarah and I get into a bit of a squabble over the extra length of time it took me to get to the freeway. "It's an extra 15 minutes this way, why do always go this way to the freeway", replied Sarah. "Because I don't like going up the 15/501, and I like going this way instead", I replied back. You get the picture. I finally arrive to I-85, which is about 15...sorry, 30 minutes from our house because of my detour, and right when I get on the freeway...BAM! Well not really a BAM, more like the check engine light comes on. CRAP! I replied. "What, what", says Sarah. I inform her that the light came on, so we immediately pull over off the freeway towards Duke campus to figure out what to do. We're in the parking lot and Sarah takes Ina for a walk around, and she is in complete bliss just walking around picking up rocks. What are we going to do? We were very close to just going home. I finally decide to act. I called my friend and asked for advice. He tells us to go to the nearest auto service place to get the car checked. He looks up the place on his computer and tells me where to go. We end up at this auto zone store, so I go in, and asked the guy if he could help me out. No problem. He grabs his gear, comes out to the car, and tries to hook up the diagnostic machine. "Oh, this Subaru is really a late 1996, not a 1997", he says. He can't run his check because his gear is for 1997 or newer. He tells us that we could head up the road and possibly try another store. "Well, could you check the battery just in case", I said. So he checks the battery, and sure enough is needs replacing. So we chance it and replace the battery. The check engine light turns off and we decide to go. We wave goodbye to the nice man, while he smokes his cigarette after a job well done, and continued our journey.

We arrive at the turnoff to the lake some 45-50 minutes later, daydreaming of fun, sun, and sitting. Sarah's explaining which roads to turn onto, and I'm like "what was that again? Old grove church bypass rd?" So I turn on to the road, and I'm trying to figure out what to do next, I'm looking over at Sarah, then I look up to see blue flashing lights coming towards me. I look at my speedometer, then I see the speed limit sign, put 2 and 2 together and say "crap! I'm being pulled over" Sarah's like "Where?, Where?" Before the officer had even turned his car around to pull me over, I was already over to the side of the road with the license and insurance ready. I admitted I wasn't paying attention and apologized. I think what saved me was the fact that he walked up to the driver window, saw Ina passed out in the back, all kinds of mess on the seats from her playing, sarah holding directions in her hands, and the look on my face that probably expressed something like "I have no idea where the hell I'm going". He let us off with a warning and I promised I would drive slower.

We arrive at the lake. The first thing we do is change into our swimming suits. Ina and Sarah are the first ones ready. Sarah reminds me to put on sunscreen and bring the camera down to the dock. I quickly change, put on sunscreen and grab the camera. We're on the dock and Ina watches her friend Lincoln play in the water and she wants to get in. So we get her a float vest and I get mine on. I hesitantly think about jumping in and I don't know why, but eventually I jump in. The water was nice. Right when I come up I try and brush the water away from my face and accidently brush my sunglasses off my head. They start sinking and I can't seem to get a hold of them. They're gone...for good. So Ina gets in the water and we're playing for like 5 minutes and then I realized something...I happened to jump in the lake with the digital camera in my side pocket. Yeah! So I pulled it out and handed it to Sarah with water pouring out from everywhere. It's toast.

So we ended up having a lot of fun. Getting ready to go home, I found it odd that I felt kinda sunburned and didn't think that I was really in the sun that long. Turns out that while I was getting ready, I mistakenly used Sarah's soothing lotion and not sunscreen. So I got sunburned really good on my arms and shoulders. Overall, we all had a great time even though the day cost me over $500. Family happy.

Arise, Lord! Lift up your hand, O God. Do not forget the helpless. Why does the wicked man revile God? Why does he say to himself, "He won't call me into account"? But you, O God, do see trouble and grief; you consider it to it in hand. The victim commits himself to you; you are the helper of the fatherless. Break the arm of the wicked and evil man; call him into account for his wickedness that would not be found out. Psalm 10:12-15

Let the kid be

I don't really feel myself to be a competitive parent or one that even strives for perfection, but I do feel the pressure and this article made me breathe a sigh of relief.

This is my first week, in a very long time, of being a full-time stay at home mom. Okay, yeah, I stay home with her all the time and it has always been a full-time job. But this week she has not gone to my neighbors, we haven't had a nanny for any amount of time, and Shawn has worked longer hours.

I'm exhausted.

Today I needed to sign Ina up for a swim class at Chapel Hill parks and rec and pick up her medical records at UNC hospital. It is a long story as to why I couldn't accomplish these simple tasks online or over the phone, but 5 phone calls later I decided to take care of it in person. [I've found that people in the South are really nice and helpful when you are right in front of them]. We did the hospital trip in the morning taking our time smelling flowers and examining bugs. After Ina's nap we ventured downtown to parks and rec. We had to take 2 buses, but Ina loved it and made many a passenger's day with her grins and waves. We got her signed up for class with her little friend Lincoln. Then we went to a nearby park for a bit. Because we could. I didn't have to rush home to study or catch up on work. Then we decided to walk down the street to the coffee shop. Because we could. Ina sat on a chair across from me explaining how to properly dissect a blueberry muffin. I told her about the joys of drinking an iced cinnamon mocha. Then 2 buses back. A mild meltdown. Some baseball and sidewalk chalk coloring with the neighbors at the playground.

Shawn came home at 5:30 and I announced "I'm done for the day" and locked myself in the bedroom. I could hear Ina chanting "aww da, aww da" and Shawn responding, "yep, Mommy's all done."



It really was a fun day and I enjoyed being with my baby who is growing up so fast. But by the end, I still felt as mentally and physically drained as I do when I'm going to class and doing projects. The same as the days when she whines all day or refuses to have her diaper changed.

Which makes me wonder - is it all the extra stuff I have to do, or is just the reality of being a mom that makes feel that I can never catch a break?

I used to think I was constantly exhausted and in need of a break because I was taking 12 units and trying to work and be a 3/4-time mom. But after spending more time with Ina this week and catching up with other moms, I've deciding that being a mom is just hard. Period. I have no doubt that the reward is great. But sometimes we just need to recognize that the toll that being a mom takes on women. It may be amazing, but its also damn hard.